January: The Tired Sock. Mean and uptight. Steals things.
February: The Broken Fork. Eyes are too close together. Weird sense of humor.
March: The Plastic Baggie. They could work harder, but they don’t. Also they all have that bizarre smell. You know. That smell.
April: The Hazardous Tupperware. Does crimes when drunk. Tends to have lots of friends, weirdly enough.
May: The Old Fruit Peel. Doesn’t ever tip enough. Probably also doesn’t call their family enough.
June: The Used Tissue. Has never in their life had a flattering haircut. Also, they ate their twin in the womb.
July: The Busted Headphones. Ugh. This guy.
August: The Fragrant Pad. Borrows money and forgets to give it back. Mhm. Sure. ‘Forgets’.
September: The Toilet Paper Roll. Cheats on tests and at mario kart. Will end valuable friendships over pointless arguments.
October: The Invisible Ink Pen. The best lover you could ever have. However, they have impossibly high standards.
November: The Chicken Bone. Pronounces ‘manga’ the wrong way no matter what. Even if you punch them in the neck.
December: The Shower Clot. Their life is actually great but they still manage to be bitter about every little annoyance. Also, never stifles their farts as well as they think they do.